All Alone In the Internet

I started to freak out as soon as I found out that we were having twins. It was a happy/shocked/nervous freak out, but it was instantaneous. I spent the rest of the ultrasound laying there with one hand under my head so I could see the screen, and the other hand pressed to my forehead laughing like a mad hatter. I’ll be sure to let you know when the happy/shocked/nervous freak out ends.

The other thing that I did as soon as I called my husband and told him was start to look things up on the internet. I knew (know) NOTHING about twins and where better to get factual, unbiased information to base the next 18 years of your life around than the internet?

I quickly learned that everyone says having twins is HARD. And the only thing that makes it harder is if you’re one of the poor saps who already has a toddler at home and plans on keeping that toddler and raising the twins. The posts of these women who have Gone Before & Now Can Give Advice make a continuum from “Just shy of terrifying” to “Join a cult and start marking your calendar for the end of the world”. It was less than reassuring.

There were a few random article or blog posts directed at those women with alternative lifestyles like a woman who has twins first and then is ballsy enough to get pregnant again. Those fall into two categories: One where the twins are older like 6 or 24 and then she gets pregnant but is still freaking out or Two the women are freaky fertile fields and they have two kids TWO. KIDS. ALREADY. and then go and get themselves knocked up and are now having twins. There’s not much directed at them probably because they’re never heard from again after the birth of their babies. Four children is obviously the point that your sanity is gone (whether those children were on purpose or not because who has more than two kids anyway?!) and society just quietly sidles past you without making any sudden movements or eye contact.

And just like that I found myself all alone in the internet.

Pregnant with twins:
Pregnant with twins and a toddler at home:
Pregnant with twins and a toddler at home and OMG another child:
Pregnant with twins and a toddler at home and OMG another child, oh, and the first-born too:

Not only will I in 17 days or less have F.I.V.E. children (5). Four of them are boys…the three I already have, and one of the newbies. Oh, and we homeschool so when I say I “have” them I mean in the hardcore, I’m with them all all day kind of way, which I love, of course, but whoa.

I have yet to find a charming how-to-do-twins blog that address my reality. There are big family blogs, much bigger than mine (will ever be), and there are blogs of mega-multiples (hats off to you, ladies!), and then the closest that I’ve found is Amongst Lovely Things and she is my hero. She is also not a how-to blog. However, anyone who knows me knows that I don’t follow directions that well, hardly ever, but I’m taking her presence as a comfort that I’m not really all alone in the internet.

17 days or less, I’m really really hoping for less at this point. My plan for how we’re going to manage the whole five-kids-twins-homeschooling-four-boys-one-girl-no-sleep-wth-is-happening first year is really just the Laugh or Cry Approach because when those are your choices in life (and they basically always are) I like to laugh as much as possible, cry when necessary, and then get back to laughing.

6 thoughts on “All Alone In the Internet”

  1. Oh my goodness, I loved this. So much emotion including hilarity!! You forgot to mention your thriving business amongst the 5 kids and homeschooling. So glad you’re blogging again. And 17 days. oy.

  2. Love it! Laughter is the best course especially when your course is a death spiral into the ground ? You are going to be an amazing mom of 5. Can’t wait to read about your journey.

  3. Love it. Blogs hadn’t really been invented by the time I had my second set of twins, and I probably wouldn’t have had time to look for them if they did! Finding out about the first set had me talking like Rainman for hours (“two babies. Definitely two babies.”). Second pregnancy was terrifying (high risk, and I fully expected to lose them). Early days of the younger set nearly drove me over the edge, as I had little help. In fact, I’m pretty sure I still wear that glazed and overwhelmed look sometimes. BUT, I wouldn’t trade it for anything, as I know you wouldn’t. Amazingly, God gives us grace to handle our blessings. It will be hard (as you already know). You will cry (as you already know). And you will be blessed beyond measure as you once again wonder at the miracle of these precious little people. Though you won’t spend as much time just standing there staring at them as you did with #1 (as you also already know!). Thanks for sharing your heart.

  4. Jamey, remember that your grandmothers-in-law had 6 and 11 kids and were among the smartest and wisest women I have ever known. They were adept at facing challenges head-on and bringing good from circumstances that would have broken many others. I have no doubt you will do the same with God’s help. PLUS, it’s twins! How exciting! Love you lots and waiting for the call . . .

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